Small Business Consulting 101- Responding to Flaming Emails

November 19th, 2009 by admin No CommentsNo Comments

This blog post is courtesy of my friend and colleague Pam Cournoyer.

Email ettiquette is a hot topic in my small business consulting and entrepreneur development practice and I appreciate Pamela lending her advice and counsel on this important topic.

If you ever received email that insulted you, caused a sinking feeling in your gut, or a horrible sense of personal violation, then you have been the victim of a flaming email. Undeserved, unwarranted and hurtful words can put a real damper on your day. The longer you are in business and the more customers you serve, the more likely it is this will occur.

I’ve included four real-life examples of business emails and posts’, and followed them with suggestions of HOW to respond to similar inflammatory attacks. Our goal here is to maintain your brand, your professionalism and your reputation. At the end of this article there are points to keep in mind if you are tempted to initiate or reply with a flaming email.

#1 Lawsuit Threat. “I realize that I am public enemy number one, since I chose not to expose you or me to the inevitable lawsuit that would come because you decided to _____ in the first place.”

This is meant to stir you up. Writing a defense will not help – no matter how good the reason. Disregard the “public enemy #1,” it is added for effect, disregard the “inevitable law suit,” it’s a mute point. Disregard the accusation of “because you decided to.” Now, how much actual content is left? There is no response to this statement.

If you must respond to a flaming email, look at the UNDERLYING issues – these are only symptoms of something much deeper that may or may not have anything to do with you. Once you decipher what the cause of the accusation is, professionally deal with those facts and let the rest go.

#2 All I Get Is Silence. “To date…. I have not received any word from _____ about _______. All I need is a definitive answer. All I get is silence. She won’t take my calls. She won’t answer my e-mails and neither will you.”

Do not get pulled into the drama. A timely and professional response to the original concern is the UNDERLYING problem (stated in the first sentence). Apologize for the slight in customer service and give the customer what they need.

#3 Age and Grammar Discrimination. “I have been reading your reports, paticularly in South East Asia and I have to say they are incredibly poor. You are from an English speaking country (the U.S.A) presumably you are in your early twenties, so why is your English at the level of a mentally challenged five year old child. I cannot understand any of your ideas. If you want to set up a website with informative material please make sure you can actually write at all.”

This blog post response shows a serious lack of professionalism, maturity and proper grammar. Quite often people who write flaming emails are coming from their survival brain where logic and clear thought are not present. Disregard it there is no need to defend anything. Keep in mind; those who violate common courtesy will trip themselves up without you ever responding.

#4 Swearing and Misspelling. “Its not because people couldnt reset there passwords that they dont visit your board its because it is crap. Dont email me again, and remove me from your system file thank you.”

Do you suppose the “thank you” at the end of the statement is meant to excuse the sender from their preceding rude comments? Note the incorrect usage of the word “there,” and the misspelling of the word “couldn’t,” “dont,” and “Dont” and the improper sentence structure. Poor grammar and anger usually mix – it makes the user appear ignorant. Again, the allegations need NO response. The UNDERLYING problem here is resetting the passwords – correct this as a courtesy to the rest of your users.

The moderator’s flaming response before thinking to Communicate with CLASS:

“I’m afraid I won’t do that, mainly due to your rudeness. What gives you the idea that you can speak for all 540 members regarding whether or not they have been unable to reset their passwords, or that they think the site is crap?”

While the moderator may have a point, they are continuing the argument, and encouraging a nastier reply. Fix the passwords, and set up a posting policy like: “The use of flaming terminology will be grounds for removal from the site.”

CLASS key s that might improve your responses when you are inflamed by email:

Back away from your keyboard when:

The message is emotionally charged
What is being communicated is complicated
A conversation is more efficient
Privacy is an issue
You are thinking in profanity
You want to type in ALL CAPS
You think excessive exclamation points or question marks will get your point across better

Because people cannot read your body language, voice tone or emotions when sending email, how you craft your response is very important. Every keystroke talks about you, it reveals your character, your professionalism; it personally brands you. Keep in mind the fact that one careless response could easily be forwarded to people you never intended.

Even a few incidents of conflict escalation for most people can create enormous problems. As the number of workplace relationships managed by email increases, the volume of flaming email escalation can grow exponentially. If you are experiencing these problems in your workplace or between yourself and another, contact us for assistance in getting this under control.

Filed under: Personal Development, entrepreneur assistance, entrepreneur coaching, entrepreneur development, small business consulting

Small Business Consulting 101- Responding to Flaming Emails

No Responses to “Small Business Consulting 101- Responding to Flaming Emails”

Leave a Reply